by Integrate Family | Mar 14, 2021 | Autism & Sensory Education, General for Special Needs Children & Parenting
Recently, I had someone tell me that their child was just diagnosed with Autism. They just felt like, ok…, now what? I started to think about it and realized this was something really important to think about and talk about. How are you supposed to know what to do when your child is diagnosed with Autism? Especially when you are feeling a bagillion emotions. So I stopped and put some thought into this….This is what I came up with.
There are so many parents out there that are in one of these 2 situations when their child has Autism:
- You are aware of your child’s difficulties but they do not yet have a diagnosis for them. Maybe you are on the waitlist for an evaluation or you have just started to suspect specific difficulties that your child is having in comparison to his or her peers.
- Your child has been evaluated and given a diagnosis and you either
- Don’t know where to start or…
- You have tried some things, but you are not quite sure if they are the right things and if you are on the right track
Where ever you are with your situation, there can be so many emotions. And often times there are a lot of emotions happening all at once. Maybe you’re feeling feelings of fear, anxiety, or guilt.
Maybe you are feeling ill equipped, angry, or frustrated. If we are being real, sometimes we might even feel embarrassed when our child does things that is not expected behavior or when we feel judged by family or friends.
Maybe in some ways, if you did just get a diagnosis for your child, you are feeling a sense of relief that now you know your child has autism. A relief that your suspensions and gut instincts were validated. No matter what, all of those feelings can make anyone feel overwhelmed. In a place that can make it hard to know where to even start.
Just so you know, you are not alone in these feelings…I hear about how other parents in the same situation are having those exact same feelings too. ALL….THE….TIME… yet, when we are going through them ourselves it can feel like a lonely place.
To be perfectly honest, I still have these feelings at times and my son is 12 years old. Those feelings of being overwhelmed were by far the most when he was younger, but I find that I still have them even now.…I definitely know that IEP meetings are a big trigger for me.
It’s during these meetings that I seem to sit in all of the emotions of if I am doing enough to help him and all of his difficulties are all placed in front of me at the same time. At least this was true until the last year or so…now I recognize those thoughts that led to the emotions that weren’t really serving me and am learning how to encourage myself and focus on the important things.
When I say I am learning, I truly mean that…it really is a journey.
So this leads us to what I wanted to focus on today….we are in one of the two situations that I talked about initially, we are having 1 or more emotions that I mentioned above, and we just need some direction about where to go and what to do.
I have some great news for you though!
The good news is that there are steps that you can take that will make a huge difference in you life and your child’s life. But don’t forget that your situation is unique to you and your child, no one will have the exact same journey as you will.
I don’t want you to think of this idea like you are along on this journey, because that simply is not true. I do want you to realize that you will have to problem solve and adjust as you are on your journey. I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to be on a search for a manual for your child in the piles and piles of resources that are out there.
I don’t want you to have shiny object syndrome, by just running after every possible intervention and trying to do it all.
But, I’m not just going to tell you what not to do. I am going to tell you what to do instead. For simplicity, I grouped these ideas into 3 steps.
3 Steps When Your Child Has Autism
1. Sit with your thoughts.
I think too often we just want all of our hard emotions to just not be there anymore….We all have our different fixes. Sometimes its eating chocolate (I should raise my hand to this one for sure), sometimes its shopping, sometimes it’s spending too much time on social media….the list could go on and on.
We don’t usually have a difficult time trying to avoid those hard emotions. But I cannot stress enough how important it is try to understand what feelings you really are experiencing and trying to understand them. Like I have already previously stated, this is going to be ongoing, but it really will make a world of difference in how you parent your child and how you manage stressors in general.
With this said, ongoing self care is ABSOLUTELY necessary. I really cannot stress this enough! Please check out other episodes about managing stress with this podcast and there will be more coming in later episodes about this because it is such a huge thing…and why it has to be a first step.
2. Be intentional.
Figure out what the resources are in your area AND have an honest look at your weekly schedule. Don’t forget that it is a marathon, not a sprint. You will need to prioritize.
3. Educate yourself!
Observe your child and see things through their eyes. Learn from any of the professionals that you are bringing your child to. Ask questions. Ask for resources. Pay attention to what they do and why. If you aren’t quite sure why they are doing something, ask! Start reading and taking classes. My favorite books are: Autism Breakthrough by Raun Kaufman, Uniquely Human by Barry Prizzant, and The Out of Sync Child by Carol Kranowitz. The very best thing that you can do for yourself and your child is to empower yourself.
Make sure to grab my free audio training by clicking HERE to give you an idea of how to build some developmental activities into your day when you are ready.
To really sum up everything in terms of my thoughts about where to start…it would really be to start with showing love to yourself by making sure that inner coach in your head is cheering for you and letting you know that you totally got this (because you do) and to embrace the amazing child that you have.
All of their characteristics are what make them a special, unique and amazing individual. Welcome to an amazing journey of parenthood that will push you outside of your comfort box and grow you in ways that you never could have imagined!
Candice Curtis is a licensed Occupational Therapist and the founder of Integrate Family. She is passionate about helping and empowering parents and their children. Candice has advanced postgraduate training in theory, assessment, interpretation and treatment in Ayers Sensory Integration. She is a Certified Autism Specialist with expertise in sensory processing, coordination disorders, learning disorders and executive functioning. Candice also has 2 boys of her own at home, one of which is Autistic. Learn more about her here.
by Integrate Family | Mar 8, 2021 | Autism & Sensory Education
Celebrate Autism Characteristics
You know when you meet someone and you just absolutely love their perspective and their positive outlook? Well, this is how I felt when I had a chance to chat with Kayla. Her caring heart and ability to celebrate Autism totally warmed my heart. I’m sure her words will warm your heart as well!
Hearing her words is so important because our perspective on how we see our situation. Not to mention, how we see our children makes a huge difference in the actions that we take.
Kayla’s perspective will totally light that fire for you to see your child through new eyes. The way that she talks about the importance of celebrating all the amazing things about your child is just what so many other parents need to hear.
The book that she wrote is an amazing book to celebrate the amazing things about your child. So make sure to check it out!
Meet Kayla
She is a mother of two children with Autism, an educator, but also a new author to a children’s book meant to spread awareness about Autism. When her children were going through the medical Autism evaluation, she left the hospital feeling defeated.
She had just spent the last 5 hours talking about her child’s delays, and what made him and her different as if something was wrong with them. Those Autism characteristics that the examiners were pointing out for the sake of the diagnosis, were the same characteristics that Kayla and her husband adored about their children.
She felt as if something was missing. If she had been given the book that she wrote when she walked out the door instead of a list of therapies, that apparently do not service their rural area, she would have felt more at peace about the conversations that took place in front of their children with the examiners.
This board book is what she felt like she needed to read to her child so her and her husband could have a celebration of their differences. There are also a couple teachable words, making the book an educational tool for young readers.
You can find Kayla at:
Reasofsteele.com
Instagram.com/reasofsteeleautism
Candice Curtis is a licensed Occupational Therapist and the founder of Integrate Family. She is passionate about helping and empowering parents and their children. Candice has advanced postgraduate training in theory, assessment, interpretation and treatment in Ayers Sensory Integration. She is a Certified Autism Specialist with expertise in sensory processing, coordination disorders, learning disorders and executive functioning. Candice also has 2 boys of her own at home, one of which is Autistic. Learn more about her here.
by Integrate Family | Feb 8, 2021 | Autism & Sensory Education
The person that I am interviewing today is filled with fantastic knowledge about how to raise her Autistic child. I have been so intrigued to get to know her better after listening to her podcast. She is a mom that has decided to homeschool, but even if you don’t homeschool, listening to this podcast episode is going to be helpful for you.
We all have different journeys and listening to others’ journeys will help us better understand our options and the possibilities. She also shares so many ways that she has been super intentional. Including, great ways to set up a day and how to increase habits and routines without nagging or reminding. Not only that, she will share how and why to have 1:1 time with each of your children.
She is a mom that has done such a fantastic job taking initiative. Additionally, she sees the big picture about what she wants for her children’s lives, and she has learned amazing things along her journey. Listen in as she explains the beginnings of her journey and what she has learned along the way.
You will hear her explain how she came upon the realization that it was up to her and her husband to learn what to do to help her out of the box children.
She has 4 children with 2 being autistic children and 1 child has ADHD and dyslexia. She decided to custom fit what they needed in their home with the thought of what if the system fit them, instead of having their children fit into the system.
Meet Cindy
Cindy Rinna is a writer, podcaster, and outside-the-box homeschool mom. You can find Cindy encouraging and equipping other moms at CindyRinna.com where she talks autism, ADHD, dyslexia, Charlotte Mason, and all the joys and challenges of homeschooling an outside-the-box child. Connect with her on Facebook or Instagram.
Recommended books:
Autism Breakthrough by Raun K. Kaufman
The Philosophy of Education, Volume 6 by Charlotte Mason
You can find Cindy at:
cindyrinna.com, Facebook, Instagram
Candice Curtis is a licensed Occupational Therapist and the founder of Integrate Family. She is passionate about helping and empowering parents and their children. Candice has advanced postgraduate training in theory, assessment, interpretation and treatment in Ayers Sensory Integration. She is a Certified Autism Specialist with expertise in sensory processing, coordination disorders, learning disorders and executive functioning. Candice also has 2 boys of her own at home, one of which is Autistic. Learn more about her here.
by Integrate Family | Feb 1, 2021 | Autism & Sensory Education, General for Special Needs Children & Parenting
Ever wonder what feeling hungry and being rigid and inflexible have in common? How about meltdowns and having empathy for other people? Well, today we are going to talk about connections.
So, last week we talked about sensory diets, why I don’t use them, and what I do instead. Check out that episode if you haven’t had a chance to listen to that, because when I was finishing up that episode, I briefly talked about this idea of interoception. So today, I wanted to dig into this idea of interoception a little bit more. Specifically, what it is, how it can affect our children, and what we can do to help build their interoception.
What is interoception?
So, let’s start at the beginning. A book that I really love about his topic is called Interoception, The Eighth Sensory System by Kelly Mahler, MS, OTR/L. So let’s review all eight sensory systems, real quick, shall we:
- Tactile system (touch)
- Auditory system (hearing)
- Visual system (sight)
- Gustatory System (taste)
- Olfactory System (smell)
- Proprioceptive System (body awareness)
- Vestibular System (balance & movement awareness)
- Interoceptive System (internal awareness)
In Kelly Mahler’s book, she states “interoception allows us to “feel” our internal organs and skin and gives information regarding the internal state or condition of our body. For example, the interoceptive system helps us feel many important sensations, such as pain, body temperature, itch, sexual arousal, hunger, thirst, heart rate, breathing rates, muscle tension, pleasant touch, sleepiness, and when we need to use the bathroom.”
Interoception, The Eighth Sensory System by Kelly Mahler, MS, OTR/L
Many of you might already be thinking of things that your child has a hard time with. For example, maybe they don’t seem to be able to tell when they are thirsty or it has taken them longer to be potty trained. Maybe they don’t seem to be able to know when they are tired or when you think something should have hurt, they don’t even seem to notice.
Whatever might be the case for your child, having a better understanding what it might feel like to be them and knowing what you can do to improve this system can be very helpful.
What if my child does not have good interoception?
The part of the brain that receives all of this information from our “insides”, so to speak, allows us to answer the question what is going on with my body. Understanding what is going on with our “internal world” helps us to know our emotions and how we are feeling.
Let me explain this concept a little more. Think about how you know how you are feeling. For example, when I’m anxious, I know because I can feel my heart start to race and my breathing will be shallow. My muscles, especially my upper shoulders, will feel very tight. My mind will have racing thoughts.
If I had a hard time feeling those things, how would I know if I was anxious? How would I know what to do to calm myself down? When would I know that I needed a break or should ask for help? The answer is I wouldn’t, so then it is really no surprise when our children go from what seems like 0 to 100 at a flip of a switch. When in reality, they were having a difficult time managing the situation for a while but most likely couldn’t even tell until they were in a meltdown.
What does this feel like for us? Frustrating! Why doesn’t our child just ask for help? Why can’t they tell me when they are hungry? Also, why do they not seem to have an activity level that seems to match that of the situation.
When it comes right down to it, our interoception plays a huge role in how we self-regulate.
Or rather how we keep an internal balance or even keel. It’s when we get clear signals and understand the signals from our body that we know how to act. Without this ability, we would have a hard time knowing when to stop or start an activity that would make us feel better or what action to take. Either that or our child might develop very maladaptive behaviors like hitting or head banging attempting to get their body to feel better.
In the book Interoception, the Eight Sensory Sensory, Mahler also explains that if you have poor interoception you will have a hard time being able to follow your intuition. So if your child tends to be very logical in their thinking you may be starting to understand why. But, being so logical about everything takes a ton of energy so what do so many of our kids do to deal with such a zap of energy? They prefer sameness and have a hard time keeping up with a super-fast conversation that others might be having.
Now let’s think about how having decreased awareness of what are body is feeling leads to having decreased ability to keep an even keel which leads to not being able to feel our emotions which leads to having to be logical about everything which would then lead to not understanding other people’s emotions.
We feel empathy for other people, because we know how if feels for us to feel the same way. If we don’t know how they feel we have a very difficult time understanding what they are dealing with.
Now let’s go a step further and talk about how important it is for us to understand the different between harmful touch and a social touch. There is more than one system involved here, but the interoceptive system plays a huge role in this. Understanding social touch helps us to bond with others and to from relationships. It helps us to enjoy those relationships.
How can I improve my child’s interoception?
So, I think that it is about time that we talk about what we can do to help our children improve their interoceptive system if a lot of this is ringing true for your child.
I am going to share basically two different approaches that you can use here. One is more for immediate use and the other is an approach to improve the systems function. Also, I am talking about these with the assumption that doctors have already ruled out any medical concerns.
- Use strategies to help them with specific goals that you might have for them.
- Schedules: Let’s look at the example trying to help your child with potty training. You might observe when they seem to have accidents to figure out a pattern and then just have them go to the bathroom based on those intervals.
- Build-in regular breaks: Maybe you observe that they usually have meltdowns after doing a difficult task after 10 minutes. You might decide that it would be better to take a break after 7 minutes, for example, and do things that are very calming. Then after they have had enough time to relax their bodies you would return to the activity.
There are a lot of examples for this area, but essentially, I want you to think about one goal that you have for your child. Then start thinking about what might make it easier or simpler for your child. Ultimately, you want your child to be successful. Once they experience success, then you can think of what your next baby step might be.
Now let’s start talking about how we can improve the information that our body receives that this system.
- Do mindfulness activities if you can. I love Sitting Like a Frog or mediations apps that kids can listen to. Also, gonoodle.com has some great relaxation activities as well. My son has always loved the one where he gets to pretend that he is melting.
- Start naming what you notice about your child. For example, you might say, “your shoulders seem really tense” and/or “your heart feels like it is beating really fast. Then you might say, “when my body feels like that sometimes I feel angry”.
- Use an oximeter or something that can measure heart rate (go low tech if you have to and just feel your heart). Have fun experimenting with what makes their heart rate go faster and what makes it slow down. Have them guess what might change their heart rate if they can. It might surprise you with what they think. I love pointing out that they can do things that help control how their body feels too. You could use his same concept with their breathing.
- Squeeze and relax. Have them squeeze their muscles really tight and then relax. Have them do this several times.
- Go through different parts of their bodies and work on identifying what is going on in each body part. For example, pay attention to their lungs, heart, brain, muscles, and stomach.
These are just a few ideas, but if this is something that you really want to delve into even more I definitely recommend you getting Kelly Mahler’s book. The other thing I really want to mention here is that it is completely possible to improve your child’s interoceptive system. Our brains are amazing and changes can and do happen! But keep in mind that these changes do not happen overnight. Think baby steps and that understanding what is feels like for your child is key.
Candice Curtis is a licensed Occupational Therapist and the founder of Integrate Family. She is passionate about helping and empowering parents and their children. Candice has advanced postgraduate training in theory, assessment, interpretation and treatment in Ayers Sensory Integration. She is a Certified Autism Specialist with expertise in sensory processing, coordination disorders, learning disorders and executive functioning. Candice also has 2 boys of her own at home, one of which is Autistic. Learn more about her here.
by Integrate Family | Jan 18, 2021 | Autism & Sensory Education, General for Special Needs Children & Parenting
Having stress as a parent is a very real thing. As a parent, we have so many more responsibilities, but as a parent of a child that has more needs than other children, the amount on a parent’s shoulders are compounded. Everything can take more time and the amount of mental problem solving and having to think more about everything can be exhausting and really overwhelming. We definitely all need stress management strategies and activities to make everything that we do possible!
I have mentioned this is several episodes now, but the most important thing that you can do for your child is to take care of yourself. If you are ran down and exhausted, you will not have the energy and ability to meet the needs of your child.
Since managing your stress is such a huge big part of helping and supporting your child or children, I was super excited to interview Shannon and to have a conversation about why it is so important to manage our stress and some simple ways to help lower stress in our lives.
Meet Shannon
Shannon is a self-love extraordinaire who has a passion to help women all over the world learn to overcome stress, anxiety, and overwhelm and create peace and ease in every area of their life. She has a background in chemistry, is a #1 best-selling author on Amazon, and has special training in memory. Shannon enjoys reading, being around water, and brings her puppy Ruby Tuesday with her everywhere. Please reach out to Shannon through Facebook or email if you have any questions, or would just like to chat.
3 Stress Management Strategies talked about in the Episode
- Set three alarms on your phone. When the alarm goes off, check in with yourself and think about how you are feeling in that moment. Do a body scan by closing your eyes and start by paying attention to your feet, “turn off your light switch”, and then check back in with how your feet feel to release tension in your body. Continue this technique with different parts of your body.
- If you are in a stressful situation or can feel a lot of tension, just use your hands and make a fist for 3 seconds and then spread them out for 3 seconds (repeat 15 times). Now shake your hands for about 30 seconds.
- Use an app that uses binaural beats. One example of a free app is Atmosphere binaural. This can be used to help shift how you are feeling. You can also play music over the binaural beats while you do other things.
Qigong Massage for Your Child with Autism by Louisa Silva
Recommended book:
The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy
You can find Shannon at:
Facebook profile Link: https://www.facebook.com/shannon.south.96
Email shannonsmap@gmail.com
Candice Curtis is a licensed Occupational Therapist and the founder of Integrate Family. She is passionate about helping and empowering parents and their children. Candice has advanced postgraduate training in theory, assessment, interpretation and treatment in Ayers Sensory Integration. She is a Certified Autism Specialist with expertise in sensory processing, coordination disorders, learning disorders and executive functioning. Candice also has 2 boys of her own at home, one of which is Autistic. Learn more about her here.
by Integrate Family | Jan 4, 2021 | Autism & Sensory Education
Parenting a child that is Autistic or has sensory needs can be hard! What is a parent supposed to do when their child experiences the world in a way that is different from yours? It’s time to find out! Listen in to hear the whole interview with Dr. Laura Froyen.
Welcome to another episode and be prepared to want to listen to this interview more than once, because there is literally that much great information packed into this episode.
In this episode, I interview Dr. Laura Froyen. I beyond love her perspective and whole heartedly agree with how she speaks about viewing and responding to our children. Having this perspective shift is something that will make such a dramatic impact on how we parent our child and how our child functions within their world.
To some, it might be a dramatic change, because understanding your child and their responses to stress and expectations goes so much deeper than just looking at your child as if they are just trying to get attention or avoiding a situation.
When our child first enters this world, we need to learn how to parent that specific child.
The way that we see the behaviors will affect how we try to support and raise our children. She speaks worlds of truth when she says, kids want to do well and they do well when they can. If they are having a hard time, that means that they don’t have a skill they need to meet the expectations. It’s not because they are trying to be bad.
In this interview, Laura will talk all about our children’s responses to difficulties, how we can adjust our own responses as parents, and what is going on when our child is having a meltdown. She even gives some great strategies on how to recognize and manage our own triggers.
“I think they tell us what they need…if we are listening, observing and trusting them, they are giving us a lot of information” Dr. Laura Foryen
Meet Laura
Dr. Laura Froyen has her PhD in Human Development and Family Studies with a specialization in Couple and Family Therapy. She is a peaceful parenting and respectful relationship coach and a self-compassion advocate. She empowers parents to let go of the obedience model, embrace the idea that kids (and grown-ups) do well when they can, and begin parenting from a place of connection & collaboration, rather than control.
Top 3 takeaways when Parenting Your Autistic or Sensory Child
- Kids have “lucky” responses (has a pleasant response that makes it easy to respond, maybe they get sad and want cuddles) and “unlucky” responses (has unpleasant responses that might be explosive) when bumping up against our expectations. The reality is that both kids are responding to stress and difficulty with certain expectations.
- When a child is having a meltdown, keep in mind how our brain works and the child is moving down the “levels of the brain”. In one model, we can think of a child’s brain in 3 stages. The executive brain (green light), The emotional brain (yellow light), and the survival part (red light) of our brain. When they are in the survival part of the brain, they want the question answered “am I safe”. In the emotional brain, they are asking “am I loved and accepted”. In the executive part of the brain, they are able to process how to solve a problem. Because your child has difficulty processing sensory information they might be in the emotional and/or the survival part of the brain the majority of the time.
- If there is something your child does consistently or if there are behaviors our children have that trigger us, we can be proactive about how to handle situations. We can use what Laura called her triple P method to respond. The three P’s are prepare, plan, and practice. We can pause and recognize what our thoughts are and then ask if they are true. Then we can reflect and think about how we can change how our thinking to mirror what is true.
Bonus: Saying what you see your kids doing and first asking, “what’s your plan” is a great question to ask your kids, instead of asking them to immediately stop.
Recommended book:
The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene
Beyond Behaviors by Mona Delahooke
You can find Laura at:
www.laurafroyen.com
www.facebook.com/laurafroyen
www.instagram.com/laurafroyenphd @laurafroyenphd
Candice Curtis is a licensed Occupational Therapist and the founder of Integrate Family. She is passionate about helping and empowering parents and their children. Candice has advanced postgraduate training in theory, assessment, interpretation and treatment in Ayers Sensory Integration. She is a Certified Autism Specialist with expertise in sensory processing, coordination disorders, learning disorders and executive functioning. Candice also has 2 boys of her own at home, one of which has a developmental disorder. Learn more about her here.